Contrary to claims, Royal Mail postmasters wrongly accused of fraud were sent apologies and compensation. However, new information has revealed that they were lost in the post.

A government statement released today acknowledged the embarrassing situation amidst growing public interest in the Horizon scandal following the explosive ITV drama Mr Bates vs The Post Office.

‘I can 100% confirm we sent remuneration for the victims’ troubles, alongside handwritten expressions of deep regret,’ spokesperson Nigel Banks-Hewitt told reporters.

‘However, it seems the bloody Royal Mail lost them,’ he added with a sarcastic eye roll.

‘We understand the anger at this latest calamity,’ Banks-Hewitt continued. ‘So this time, we’ve opted to use Hermes, a company synonymous with care, punctuality and professionalism to compensate victims.’

Responding to the Hermes decision, postmaster Keith Quinn said, ‘I guess it’s better to find your remuneration on your neighbour’s roof than not at all.’

Whether apologies were, in fact, sent is still hard to verify. One senior executive, who we cannot name, indicated that letters were issued though there were concerns they would never arrive, as the Post Office had been dealing with a severe stamp shortage at that time.’

Despite the problems, some letters did make it to their destination. Postmaster Oscar Piles found a slip letting him know his package – an apologetic fruit basket and £50 WHS voucher – couldn’t be delivered as he wasn’t in. Sadly, he had been wrongfully imprisoned at the time for fraud and found it three years too late.