Category: Fake News Desk

Fake News Desk

Rishi Sunak Pledges One Scandal Each Month If Re-elected

In a last-ditch effort to retain power, Rishi Sunak has declared a final policy promising a minimum of one monthly scandal if re-elected. “It’s time to return to basics”, the beleaguered prime minister said in a sweaty statement, having elected to wear a woolly overcoat despite the heat. “In 14 years, we have changed the scandal landscape forever, plumbing new depths of sleaze, and just … Continue reading Rishi Sunak Pledges One Scandal Each Month If Re-elected

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Fake News Desk

Postmaster Compensation Packages Lost by Royal Mail

Contrary to claims, Royal Mail postmasters wrongly accused of fraud were sent apologies and compensation. However, new information has revealed that they were lost in the post. A government statement released today acknowledged the embarrassing situation amidst growing public interest in the Horizon scandal following the explosive ITV drama Mr Bates vs The Post Office. ‘I can 100% confirm we sent remuneration for the victims’ troubles, alongside handwritten … Continue reading Postmaster Compensation Packages Lost by Royal Mail

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Fake News Desk

Dealers Selling ‘Coke Zero’ to Beat Dry January Slump

As Dry January continues to wreak havoc across the black market, some industrious entrepreneurs have found an ingenious solution that has Londoners lining up down the street. The supposed drug-free cocaine alternative that dealers have dubbed Coke Zero, or Nocaine in some circles, has proved an instant hit with nose-thirsty Londoners. Intentions for a sober four weeks likely began with good intentions, but many realised 31 days without … Continue reading Dealers Selling ‘Coke Zero’ to Beat Dry January Slump

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Fake News Desk

Santa Facing Christmas Delays Amidst Elf Industrial Action

Just days before Christmas, families worldwide were shocked to learn their gifts may not arrive on time. Last-minute industrial action was unanimously voted through by ELF (Elvish Labourers Federation), a union comprising 90% of the Christmas workforce. Resentment has been simmering for decades, as rising demands for presents piled pressure on workers. ‘It’s been going on far too long,’ said ELF spokesperson Rimsheef Snucklefidget. ‘Everyone … Continue reading Santa Facing Christmas Delays Amidst Elf Industrial Action

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