Tag: satire

Fake News Desk

Andrew Was “Obviously Playing Twister,” Say Representatives

Responding to the now-infamous “four-legged photo,” lawyers for Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor (formerly known as a prince) have confirmed that he was, in fact, playing Twister – a game he is said to have grown fond of while attending various teenage birthday parties. “Look, he hasn’t put a foot wrong,” a spokesperson said, gesturing at the image. “Left leg, yellow. Exactly where it should be. “Everything looks … Continue reading Andrew Was “Obviously Playing Twister,” Say Representatives

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Fake News Desk

Dealers Selling ‘Coke Zero’ to Beat Dry January Slump

As Dry January continues to wreak havoc across the black market, some industrious entrepreneurs have found an ingenious solution that has Londoners lining up down the street. The supposed drug-free cocaine alternative that dealers have dubbed Coke Zero, or Nocaine in some circles, has proved an instant hit with nose-thirsty Londoners. Intentions for a sober four weeks likely began with good intentions, but many realised 31 days without … Continue reading Dealers Selling ‘Coke Zero’ to Beat Dry January Slump

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Fake News Desk

Santa Facing Christmas Delays Amidst Elf Industrial Action

Just days before Christmas, families worldwide were shocked to learn their gifts may not arrive on time. Last-minute industrial action was unanimously voted through by ELF (Elvish Labourers Federation), a union comprising 90% of the Christmas workforce. Resentment has been simmering for decades, as rising demands for presents piled pressure on workers. ‘It’s been going on far too long,’ said ELF spokesperson Rimsheef Snucklefidget. ‘Everyone … Continue reading Santa Facing Christmas Delays Amidst Elf Industrial Action

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