Fake News Desk

Tyson Fury and Anthony Joshua to Administer Covid-19 Jab

In a bid to speed up the UK’s vaccine rollout, the government have recruited heavyweight champions Anthony Joshua and Tyson Fury to help administer the Covid-19 jab.

Explaining the decision, Matt Hancock told reporters: ‘If we’re going to achieve our aim of having everyone vaccinated by August, then we’re going to have to increase the speed of the jab, and who better to help us do that than two world-renowned jab experts?’

However, the government’s decision to enlist the two heavyweight stars isn’t without its detractors, backbenchers on both sides of the Commons have raised questions about patient safety, while doctors say vaccine-related deaths could increase exponentially – with numerous reports already arising of patients leaving bloodstained, bruised, and with signed autographs.

Doris Andrews, 63, from Wythenshawe, was one of the first members of the public to receive the jab from Anthony Joshua. ‘He was ever so nice,’ Doris told reporters. ‘It all happened very fast, I barely remember a thing to tell you the truth.’ Following the jab, Doris experienced symptoms of dizziness and blurred vision, as well as heavy bruising close to the site of the jab. She was later rushed into ICU.

Facing questions about the incident, the Health Secretary added, ‘I see no reason why getting a jab from a 17-stone heavyweight would be any more or less dangerous than say, a jab from an average-sized lady nurse.’

Meanwhile, Tyson Fury and Anthony Joshua have taken to social media to taunt each other about the efficacy of their respective jabs, with Joshua claiming his is ‘100% effective’. Fury retorted by calling his opponent an ‘anti-vaxxer’ because his jab apparently has the Watford-born fighter running scared.

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