Fake News Desk

Deliveroo Now World’s Biggest Biker Gang

A new report from the UK Counter Terrorism Office has revealed Deliveroo to be the world’s biggest biker gang, with over 15,000 riders now operating in Britain alone. The London-based group overtakes the likes of the Hells Angels, the Bandidos and the Mongol Brotherhood.

Identifiable by their turquoise cuts, Deliveroo are currently embroiled in a heated turf war with rivals Uber Eats and the Crip-affiliated Just Eat – casualties so far have included two Big Macs, three prawn curries, and a lamb biryani.

Deliveroo members throwing up threatening gang signs – aimed at their ‘ops’ Uber and Just Eat.

All three organisations are accused of running highly profitable protection rackets which target pubs, restaurants, and fast food establishments, taking a 35% cut from every sale they make.

Restaurant owners have pleaded with Deliveroo bosses to lower the tax, but say that they risk going out of business if they don’t align themselves with one of the ‘big three’ biker gangs.

Rivals Just Eat have strong affiliations with the Los Angeles Crips.

Deliveroo has seen their numbers swell in recent years and has displayed a penchant for moving product from location to location, quickly and efficiently. Their riders have experience handling a wide range of contraband, including everything from Coke to mushrooms, broccoli to beans, and even a little spice.

Recently, Deliveroo bosses attempted to exercise their growing influence, pressuring UK government officials to restore the controversial Eat Out to Help Out scheme. Commenting on the situation, a high-ranking Deliveroo member told us: ‘If it makes pounds then we’ve got grounds. If a couple chumps gotta lose their life along the way then so be it.’

A Deliveroo rider injured in a gangland beef, probably.

If the word on the street is to be believed, Deliveroo’s influence can only be expected to grow stronger. According to Ilyaz, a low-level rider for the gang, business is booming, he told us: ‘Trust me, I’m peddling food all day my g. I’m moving that Moroccan, that Colombian, that Jamaican. What ever you want, we’ve got it.’

2 comments

  1. The end statement. Your suggesting Deliveroo is peddling drugs.. Drugs have always been peddled by louts on bikes. Why mention it in a way that included Deliveroo.. Hope they sue you.

    Like

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