Fake News Desk

Dogging Set to Return on 29th of May

The government’s ‘roadmap to freedom’ has provided a provisional date of May 29th for the much-anticipated return of dogging. The voyeuristic pastime is set to make a comeback after months of individuals being forced to have sex in buildings, away from the prying eyes of the law and each other.

Despite this, many within the dogging community feel left behind and that dogging is not being taken seriously as an artistic pursuit.

‘Sometimes it feels like the Prime Minister doesn’t care about us. Screwing a faceless stranger behind a TK Maxx can be hugely beneficial for our mental wellbeing,’ said Darren (not his real name).

‘Many of us have worn masks long before it was the flavour of the month and now I feel like we’re being punished for it,’ Darren added, gesturing to the latex pig mask covering his face.

The government highlighted their reasoning for pushing dogging back later in the year and stated that, ‘despite being a predominantly outdoor activity, the doggers are technically inside a car, not to mention each other.’

‘Even while wearing a protective gimp suit, transmission is still a huge concern when the person wearing it is being double ended by two scaffolders in a Woking car park. Therefore we must place dogging in a high risk category which means a more cautious return to action.’

Dogging advocacy group, WLTDO (Who Let The Dogs Out), feel they are being penalised for their lifestyle choices and released a statement announcing that they had submitted a case to the high court.

‘We will not be screwed by government inaction’, a spokesperson said.

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