Fake News Desk

National Rail Pay Respects to Prince Philip, Translate Entire Website into Greek

Following the death of Prince Philip, the National Rail website has been translated entirely into Greek – a nod to the late Prince of Wales’ birthplace.

The move has delighted royal fanatics and would-be rail passengers alike. ‘It’s such a fantastic idea,’ said Shirley Dawes, who was attempting to book tickets to see her elderly father, something which had been impossible in recent months due to covid restrictions and her father’s ill health.

‘I tried booking a ticket to Kenilworth train station but I was faced with a completely alien language. It was incredibly frustrating at first but when I found out it was for poor Philip, bless his cotton socks, I dug out my Greek phrasebook and had a go at navigating the site – I managed to book an off-peak ticket to Kentish Town instead, not ideal, but given what’s happened to Philip, it could be worse.’

As well as making their website completely incomprehensible, National Rail has also made various changes to their schedule, namely delaying each train by 99 minutes to signify the age at which the Prince died. Meanwhile, all tannoy messages will now be replaced with audio recordings of Prince Philip’s most famous gaffes – leaving passengers bereft of vital travel information but hopefully entertained with hilarious renditions of the late Prince’s most outrageous and culturally insensitive moments.

Lastly, out of respect for our nation’s fallen hero, National Rail staff have been asked to wear all protective face coverings at half mask.

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