In an attempt to purge their monochromatic image, Wimbledon Tennis will be introducing a controversial new event, the mixed-race doubles. Details of the shakeup to the world’s foremost tennis championship were revealed at a press conference late last night.
‘For too long, tennis has catered to the white and affluent,’ announced spokesperson, Kenneth Wilberforce-Porter. ‘So we have thought of a way to make it more inclusive for everyone. The mixed-race doubles will be played alongside our other prestigious events with the final featuring on Centre Court.’
When pressed for details of entry requirements to the new competition, James produced a sheet of paper from his breast pocket and stared down at it, squinting through his glasses.
‘If you’re a black’ he began, nervously, looking around as if he hoped no one was, ‘you can go with a white person. If you’re mixed-race yourself, you’ll need to find another one of your lot to enter.’ A small period of silence followed before one reporter asked him whether it was just black and white players who were allowed and whether, for example, those of Asian descent could apply.
‘No, not just yet… I’m not sure that the wider tennis community is quite ready for that,’ he replied with a wry chuckle.
Alongside the announcement of the mixed-race doubles, Wilberforce-Porter detailed further changes to this years event, designed to improve inclusivity at tennis’s premier competition, telling reporters: ‘We’ll also be changing up some of our Wimbledon staples. Alongside our traditional offering of strawberries and cream, we’ll be now be serving strawberries and saltfish, a spicy jerked take on Pimm’s, and the infamous Murray Mound will be renamed ‘Serena Hilliams’.
‘I think these minor and reactionary responses will show everyone we’re willing to do the bare minimum to appear like we’re moving with the times.’ He added smugly.