Fake News Desk

Boris Johnson to Continue Role as Full-Time Wanker Despite Second Jobs Vote

Prime Minister Boris Johnson is set to continue in his secondary role as a full-time wanker after MPs voted on a ‘watered down’ plan to curb extra work.

After instructing his fellow wankers to vote against the original motion tabled by the Labour Party, Johnson then put forward an amended version which passed by 297 votes to zero – one which would allow him to continue being a wanker for the foreseeable future, without fear of penalty.

The wanker-in-chief and part-time Prime Minister began operating as a junior wanker back in June of 1977, shortly after leaving his mother’s womb, before receiving a scholarship to further his craft at the international Mecca of wankerhood, Eton College. Since then, he’s gone on to become Great Britain’s premier wanker and one of the world’s foremost twats.

Asked about his decision to vote against Labour’s initial motion, Boris told reporters: ‘Well, it seems once again that Captain Hindsight wants to stop the British people from having jobs, while we, the Conservative Party, will continue to focus on levelling up, building back better, and creating more for jobs for British people,’ before, as usual, continuing on with a splurge of indecipherable bullshit.

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