Tag: covid-19

Fake News Desk

Jamaica Suspends Use of AstraZeneca Vaccine After Reports of Bludclarts

Jamaica has become the latest country to suspend use of the AstraZeneca Covid-19 vaccine, following in the footsteps of France, Italy and the Netherlands, after widespread reports of bludclarts. After a bludclart reportedly left one man fi dead, health officials from the island nation have stated that ‘wi nuh need di bludcart AstraZeneca vaccine fi wi,’ and that they will look to alternative suppliers going … Continue reading Jamaica Suspends Use of AstraZeneca Vaccine After Reports of Bludclarts

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Fake News Desk

52% of Brits Support Vaccine Passports on Condition That They’re Blue

Concerns that vaccine passports are part of an ‘Orwellian’ plot to control and subjugate the British population were alleviated last night after MPs confirmed that they will be blue.  According to YouGov polling, 52% of the British population now support the plan – representing a clear and overwhelming majority of Britons. Mary from Berwick-upon-Tweed commented that the blue vaccine passports made her feel warm and … Continue reading 52% of Brits Support Vaccine Passports on Condition That They’re Blue

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Fake News Desk

London to Be Placed into Tier 5, Sharia Law

In an unprecedented move to slow down the spread of the coronavirus, London will become the first area of the country to be placed under Sharia Law. The move was announced earlier this morning with the new rules and corresponding sanctions set to come into place on Sunday. The uncharacteristically quick turnaround has left many confused, with the only guidance offered so far being a … Continue reading London to Be Placed into Tier 5, Sharia Law

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Fake News Desk

Matt Hancock’s Family Dog Awarded £16m Covid Contract

In what’s only the latest case of recent Conservative nepotism, leaked documents have revealed that Matt Hancock’s family dog, Archie, was awarded a £16m contract for services linked to the government’s failed track and trace programme. The documents dating back to last August show the Health Secretary’s beloved Labrador receiving £6.3m for tracking consultancy, £5.9m for tracing consultancy, and a further £3.8m in fees for … Continue reading Matt Hancock’s Family Dog Awarded £16m Covid Contract

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Fake News Desk

Tyson Fury and Anthony Joshua to Administer Covid-19 Jab

In a bid to speed up the UK’s vaccine rollout, the government have recruited heavyweight champions Anthony Joshua and Tyson Fury to help administer the Covid-19 jab. Explaining the decision, Matt Hancock told reporters: ‘If we’re going to achieve our aim of having everyone vaccinated by August, then we’re going to have to increase the speed of the jab, and who better to help us … Continue reading Tyson Fury and Anthony Joshua to Administer Covid-19 Jab

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Fake News Desk

New Covid Variant Spreads Through Zoom Calls

Researchers at Oxford University have made an alarming discovery that a strain of the novel coronavirus has been shown to transmit over video calls. Alarm bells started ringing earlier this week when several cases of the new variant, Covid-19.2 Snow Leopard, were traced back to a tech firm’s Monday morning catch up, a meeting which unknowingly became a superspreader event. Concerns were raised the following … Continue reading New Covid Variant Spreads Through Zoom Calls

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