Tag: memes

Fake News Desk

Postmaster Compensation Packages Lost by Royal Mail

Contrary to claims, Royal Mail postmasters wrongly accused of fraud were sent apologies and compensation. However, new information has revealed that they were lost in the post. A government statement released today acknowledged the embarrassing situation amidst growing public interest in the Horizon scandal following the explosive ITV drama Mr Bates vs The Post Office. ‘I can 100% confirm we sent remuneration for the victims’ troubles, alongside handwritten … Continue reading Postmaster Compensation Packages Lost by Royal Mail

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Fake News Desk

Sue Gray to Investigate Illegal Parties in Six-Part Documentary Series for Vice

Senior civil servant Sue Gray has signed a deal with Vice to host a new documentary series investigating illegal parties across the globe. The Second Permanent Secretary has gained notoriety in recent weeks, having been tasked with investigating the 562 different parties which took place at 10 Downing Street during lockdown, and is now looking to cash in on her newfound fame. The show, Sue Gray’s … Continue reading Sue Gray to Investigate Illegal Parties in Six-Part Documentary Series for Vice

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Fake News Desk

James Newman Tipped to Become Labour MP After Failing to Win Over Voters

Following the UK’s annual ritual of Eurovision humiliation, this year’s sacrificial lamb James Newman has decided to join the ranks of The Labour Party. Newman took the decision after receiving zero points in this year’s song contest, telling reporters: ‘Being unpopular isn’t exactly a recipe for success in the music industry, so I decided to go somewhere where a lack of popularity won’t hold me … Continue reading James Newman Tipped to Become Labour MP After Failing to Win Over Voters

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Fake News Desk

Israel’s Iron Dome Spoils Palestinian Fireworks Display

Following the announcement of a ceasefire between Israeli forces and Hamas which came into effect during the early hours of Friday morning, a group of Palestinian locals decided to mark an end to hostilities with a celebratory fireworks display. However, their entertainment proved to be short-lived. With their sparklers barely lit, Israel’s Iron Dome defence system caught wind of the display and swiftly intercepted their … Continue reading Israel’s Iron Dome Spoils Palestinian Fireworks Display

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Fake News Desk

Bill and Melinda Gates in Custody Fight over Mind-Controlled Masses

Following the news that Bill and Melinda Gates will be separating, speculation has been swirling over which of the two will win custody of the microchipped masses now roaming the planet. Prior to the split, the richest couple in the world were able to guide recipients of their mind control vaccine with extreme ease from their subterranean lair in Lake Medina, Washington. Using microchips contained … Continue reading Bill and Melinda Gates in Custody Fight over Mind-Controlled Masses

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Fake News Desk

National Rail Pay Respects to Prince Philip, Translate Entire Website into Greek

Following the death of Prince Philip, the National Rail website has been translated entirely into Greek – a nod to the late Prince of Wales’ birthplace. The move has delighted royal fanatics and would-be rail passengers alike. ‘It’s such a fantastic idea,’ said Shirley Dawes, who was attempting to book tickets to see her elderly father, something which had been impossible in recent months due … Continue reading National Rail Pay Respects to Prince Philip, Translate Entire Website into Greek

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Uncategorized

Queen Distraught Following Death of DMX

Her Majesty The Queen is understood to be beside herself following the death of her favourite rapper DMX. ‘His music helps me forget how boring my life is,’ Lizzie said in an official statement issued from her royal residence in Windsor. ‘While you peasants carry on living your lives, I’m stuck here, bored senseless, cutting ribbons and smiling at children’s awful paintings. X’s music made … Continue reading Queen Distraught Following Death of DMX

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Fake News Desk

Ketamine Dealers in Grand National Turf War

Grand National day is understood to be the biggest day of the year for ketamine dealers, as crippled horses and fuckheads alike consume epic amounts of the banned horse tranquilliser. The desire to capitalise on this lucrative market has led to a vicious turf war unfolding between street dealers and the major pharmaceutical companies, as both fight tooth and nail to pick up business from … Continue reading Ketamine Dealers in Grand National Turf War

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Fake News Desk

Biden’s Dog Faces Impoochment After Second Biting Incident

President Biden’s canine companion, Major, is in the dog house once again, and this time he appears to have bitten off more than he can chew. A second biting incident in just one month has led to calls from prominent Republican figures asking for the White House’s first ever rescue dog to be removed from office, they claim Major is no longer fulfilling his duty … Continue reading Biden’s Dog Faces Impoochment After Second Biting Incident

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Uncategorized

Piers Corbyn, Anti-Maskers Shut Down Lucha Libre Wrestling Meet

Violence broke out last night as a group of anti-mask campaigners led by Piers Corbyn, brother of former Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, attempted to shut down a lucha libre wrestling practice in North London. Anti-maskers gathered outside the Fight Factory gym in North London, home to the El Luchos Luchador wrestling team, carrying placards adorned with anti-mask slogans such as ‘no submissions’ and ‘masks = … Continue reading Piers Corbyn, Anti-Maskers Shut Down Lucha Libre Wrestling Meet

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