Author: Quinn

Fake News Desk

EXCLUSIVE: The REAL Reason Why the Rwanda Flights Were Cancelled

A stunning leak from Number 10 has shed new light on the Rwanda flight debacle which unfolded earlier this week and has revealed the real reason that the Rwanda flights failed to take off. According to sources, Government plans to send refugees to Rwanda earlier were scuppered at the last minute after the contracted airline was revealed not to have any planes in its fleet. … Continue reading EXCLUSIVE: The REAL Reason Why the Rwanda Flights Were Cancelled

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Fake News Desk

Duke of York to Rebrand as Andrew, the Artist Formerly Known as Prince

Following the removal of his royal titles, the Duke of York is set to undergo an ambitious rebranding effort, in a bid to revitalise his career as a serial socialite and sexual deviant. Now referring to himself as Andrew, the Artist Formerly Known as Prince, he will attempt to ingratiate himself back into high society as a private citizen. With his ongoing legal battles still … Continue reading Duke of York to Rebrand as Andrew, the Artist Formerly Known as Prince

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Fake News Desk

Middle-Class Drug Users Face Waitrose Ban Following Johnson Crackdown

The government has ramped up its efforts to dissuade the middle classes from taking Class A drugs such as cocaine by threatening a range of fresh measures which include lifetime bans from Waitrose and a block on all skiing holidays. Banning people from the boarding school alumni’s supermarket of choice is just the latest in a long list of proposed deterrents for middle-class drug users. … Continue reading Middle-Class Drug Users Face Waitrose Ban Following Johnson Crackdown

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Fake News Desk

Wimbledon Set to Debut Mixed-Race Doubles

In an attempt to purge their monochromatic image, Wimbledon Tennis will be introducing a controversial new event, the mixed-race doubles. Details of the shakeup to the world’s foremost tennis championship were revealed at a press conference late last night. ‘For too long, tennis has catered to the white and affluent,’ announced spokesperson, Kenneth Wilberforce-Porter. ‘So we have thought of a way to make it more … Continue reading Wimbledon Set to Debut Mixed-Race Doubles

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Fake News Desk

James Newman Tipped to Become Labour MP After Failing to Win Over Voters

Following the UK’s annual ritual of Eurovision humiliation, this year’s sacrificial lamb James Newman has decided to join the ranks of The Labour Party. Newman took the decision after receiving zero points in this year’s song contest, telling reporters: ‘Being unpopular isn’t exactly a recipe for success in the music industry, so I decided to go somewhere where a lack of popularity won’t hold me … Continue reading James Newman Tipped to Become Labour MP After Failing to Win Over Voters

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Fake News Desk

Bill and Melinda Gates in Custody Fight over Mind-Controlled Masses

Following the news that Bill and Melinda Gates will be separating, speculation has been swirling over which of the two will win custody of the microchipped masses now roaming the planet. Prior to the split, the richest couple in the world were able to guide recipients of their mind control vaccine with extreme ease from their subterranean lair in Lake Medina, Washington. Using microchips contained … Continue reading Bill and Melinda Gates in Custody Fight over Mind-Controlled Masses

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Fake News Desk

National Rail Pay Respects to Prince Philip, Translate Entire Website into Greek

Following the death of Prince Philip, the National Rail website has been translated entirely into Greek – a nod to the late Prince of Wales’ birthplace. The move has delighted royal fanatics and would-be rail passengers alike. ‘It’s such a fantastic idea,’ said Shirley Dawes, who was attempting to book tickets to see her elderly father, something which had been impossible in recent months due … Continue reading National Rail Pay Respects to Prince Philip, Translate Entire Website into Greek

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Queen Distraught Following Death of DMX

Her Majesty The Queen is understood to be beside herself following the death of her favourite rapper DMX. ‘His music helps me forget how boring my life is,’ Lizzie said in an official statement issued from her royal residence in Windsor. ‘While you peasants carry on living your lives, I’m stuck here, bored senseless, cutting ribbons and smiling at children’s awful paintings. X’s music made … Continue reading Queen Distraught Following Death of DMX

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Fake News Desk

Biden’s Dog Faces Impoochment After Second Biting Incident

President Biden’s canine companion, Major, is in the dog house once again, and this time he appears to have bitten off more than he can chew. A second biting incident in just one month has led to calls from prominent Republican figures asking for the White House’s first ever rescue dog to be removed from office, they claim Major is no longer fulfilling his duty … Continue reading Biden’s Dog Faces Impoochment After Second Biting Incident

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Fake News Desk

Sidney Powell Claims She Was Joking All Along, Throwing Dominion’s Legal Case Into Turmoil

Dominion has suffered a major setback in its defamation lawsuit against Sidney Powell with the former Trump lawyer now claiming that the entire ‘Stop the Steal’ campaign was ‘completely ironic’ and ‘just a bit of fun’, leaving Dominion’s $5000 an hour legal team completely devoid of ideas or legal avenues to pursue. Speaking at a press conference outside her offices in Dallas, Powell told reporters: … Continue reading Sidney Powell Claims She Was Joking All Along, Throwing Dominion’s Legal Case Into Turmoil

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