Author: Lee innit

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Piers Corbyn, Anti-Maskers Shut Down Lucha Libre Wrestling Meet

Violence broke out last night as a group of anti-mask campaigners led by Piers Corbyn, brother of former Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, attempted to shut down a lucha libre wrestling practice in North London. Anti-maskers gathered outside the Fight Factory gym in North London, home to the El Luchos Luchador wrestling team, carrying placards adorned with anti-mask slogans such as ‘no submissions’ and ‘masks = … Continue reading Piers Corbyn, Anti-Maskers Shut Down Lucha Libre Wrestling Meet

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Fake News Desk

Jamaica Suspends Use of AstraZeneca Vaccine After Reports of Bludclarts

Jamaica has become the latest country to suspend use of the AstraZeneca Covid-19 vaccine, following in the footsteps of France, Italy and the Netherlands, after widespread reports of bludclarts. After a bludclart reportedly left one man fi dead, health officials from the island nation have stated that ‘wi nuh need di bludcart AstraZeneca vaccine fi wi,’ and that they will look to alternative suppliers going … Continue reading Jamaica Suspends Use of AstraZeneca Vaccine After Reports of Bludclarts

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Boris Johnson Launches Secret Charity to Fund ‘World-Beating’ Wallpaper

According to reports, Boris Johnson is planning to set up a secret charity to help cover the costs of refurbishing his home at No 11 Downing Street, allowing rich Tory benefactors to exchange designer furniture for opportunities to screw over the general public. The name of his new charity has reportedly already been decided. Having batted around names such as Chancer Care UK and Betraying … Continue reading Boris Johnson Launches Secret Charity to Fund ‘World-Beating’ Wallpaper

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Deliveroo Now World’s Biggest Biker Gang

A new report from the UK Counter Terrorism Office has revealed Deliveroo to be the world’s biggest biker gang, with over 15,000 riders now operating in Britain alone. The London-based group overtakes the likes of the Hells Angels, the Bandidos and the Mongol Brotherhood. Identifiable by their turquoise cuts, Deliveroo are currently embroiled in a heated turf war with rivals Uber Eats and the Crip-affiliated … Continue reading Deliveroo Now World’s Biggest Biker Gang

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Fake News Desk

Dominion Voting Systems Flipped Eurovision Results

Following accusations of widespread fraud in last November’s US elections, shocking new evidence has come to light regarding Dominion Voting Machines and their handling of the 2014 Eurovision Song Contest. Eurovision’s parent company, The European Broadcasting Company, awarded a 5-year contract to Dominion Voting Systems back in 2013, tasking them with tallying votes for the annual multi-nation spectacular. However, just 1 year into their 5-year … Continue reading Dominion Voting Systems Flipped Eurovision Results

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Fake News Desk

Price of M&S Chocolate Coins Skyrockets After Elon Musk Tweet

The price of Marks & Spencer’s milk chocolate coins has skyrocketed following a tweet from Elon Musk, in which the Tesla and SpaceX CEO labelled them as ‘legit’. What followed was a tidal wave of online activity, with 1000s of Twitter users replying to Musk’s tweet with the phrase: ‘M&S to the moon 🚀’ Hot on the heels of all-time highs for Bitcoin and Ethereum, … Continue reading Price of M&S Chocolate Coins Skyrockets After Elon Musk Tweet

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Baby Yoda Racially Abused by Gina Carano During Mandalorian Filming

Shocking new details have arisen regarding Gina Carano’s departure from Lucasfilm, with sources claiming she racially abused Grogu, better known as Baby Yoda, on the set of Disney+ show The Mandalorian. The incident reportedly took place on the final day of filming for season 2, and while the details are foggy, it’s believed that Grogu was caught stealing a protein shake from Carano’s locker, causing … Continue reading Baby Yoda Racially Abused by Gina Carano During Mandalorian Filming

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Fake News Desk

Matt Hancock’s Family Dog Awarded £16m Covid Contract

In what’s only the latest case of recent Conservative nepotism, leaked documents have revealed that Matt Hancock’s family dog, Archie, was awarded a £16m contract for services linked to the government’s failed track and trace programme. The documents dating back to last August show the Health Secretary’s beloved Labrador receiving £6.3m for tracking consultancy, £5.9m for tracing consultancy, and a further £3.8m in fees for … Continue reading Matt Hancock’s Family Dog Awarded £16m Covid Contract

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Fake News Desk

Trump Impeachment Attorney Replaced by ‘I’m Not a Cat’ Lawyer

Donald Trump has decided to seek alternative legal counsel, having been left infuriated by Bruce Castor’s meandering performance at yesterday’s impeachment trial. Short of options, Trump contacted the first lawyer he could find on Google, who just so happened to be Texas attorney and internet sensation, Rod ‘I’m not a cat’ Ponton. This won’t be the first time Trump has attempted to grab a pussy, … Continue reading Trump Impeachment Attorney Replaced by ‘I’m Not a Cat’ Lawyer

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Fake News Desk

Tyson Fury and Anthony Joshua to Administer Covid-19 Jab

In a bid to speed up the UK’s vaccine rollout, the government have recruited heavyweight champions Anthony Joshua and Tyson Fury to help administer the Covid-19 jab. Explaining the decision, Matt Hancock told reporters: ‘If we’re going to achieve our aim of having everyone vaccinated by August, then we’re going to have to increase the speed of the jab, and who better to help us … Continue reading Tyson Fury and Anthony Joshua to Administer Covid-19 Jab

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