Tag: spoof

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96% of Bots Still Support Boris Johnson, YouGov Poll Finds

In wake of Sue Gray’s report, Boris Johnson is fighting for his political life. However, Friday brought about some much-needed good news for Britain’s embattled Prime Minister. According to a recent YouGov poll, an overwhelming majority of online bots say that they still back Boris. Asked why they’re still supporting the PM, 87% of bots questioned offered the same two verbatim responses, telling YouGov: ‘he’s … Continue reading 96% of Bots Still Support Boris Johnson, YouGov Poll Finds

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Fake News Desk

Duke of York to Rebrand as Andrew, the Artist Formerly Known as Prince

Following the removal of his royal titles, the Duke of York is set to undergo an ambitious rebranding effort, in a bid to revitalise his career as a serial socialite and sexual deviant. Now referring to himself as Andrew, the Artist Formerly Known as Prince, he will attempt to ingratiate himself back into high society as a private citizen. With his ongoing legal battles still … Continue reading Duke of York to Rebrand as Andrew, the Artist Formerly Known as Prince

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Middle-Class Drug Users Face Waitrose Ban Following Johnson Crackdown

The government has ramped up its efforts to dissuade the middle classes from taking Class A drugs such as cocaine by threatening a range of fresh measures which include lifetime bans from Waitrose and a block on all skiing holidays. Banning people from the boarding school alumni’s supermarket of choice is just the latest in a long list of proposed deterrents for middle-class drug users. … Continue reading Middle-Class Drug Users Face Waitrose Ban Following Johnson Crackdown

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Boris Johnson to Continue Role as Full-Time Wanker Despite Second Jobs Vote

Prime Minister Boris Johnson is set to continue in his secondary role as a full-time wanker after MPs voted on a ‘watered down’ plan to curb extra work. After instructing his fellow wankers to vote against the original motion tabled by the Labour Party, Johnson then put forward an amended version which passed by 297 votes to zero – one which would allow him to … Continue reading Boris Johnson to Continue Role as Full-Time Wanker Despite Second Jobs Vote

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James Newman Tipped to Become Labour MP After Failing to Win Over Voters

Following the UK’s annual ritual of Eurovision humiliation, this year’s sacrificial lamb James Newman has decided to join the ranks of The Labour Party. Newman took the decision after receiving zero points in this year’s song contest, telling reporters: ‘Being unpopular isn’t exactly a recipe for success in the music industry, so I decided to go somewhere where a lack of popularity won’t hold me … Continue reading James Newman Tipped to Become Labour MP After Failing to Win Over Voters

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Israel’s Iron Dome Spoils Palestinian Fireworks Display

Following the announcement of a ceasefire between Israeli forces and Hamas which came into effect during the early hours of Friday morning, a group of Palestinian locals decided to mark an end to hostilities with a celebratory fireworks display. However, their entertainment proved to be short-lived. With their sparklers barely lit, Israel’s Iron Dome defence system caught wind of the display and swiftly intercepted their … Continue reading Israel’s Iron Dome Spoils Palestinian Fireworks Display

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Bill and Melinda Gates in Custody Fight over Mind-Controlled Masses

Following the news that Bill and Melinda Gates will be separating, speculation has been swirling over which of the two will win custody of the microchipped masses now roaming the planet. Prior to the split, the richest couple in the world were able to guide recipients of their mind control vaccine with extreme ease from their subterranean lair in Lake Medina, Washington. Using microchips contained … Continue reading Bill and Melinda Gates in Custody Fight over Mind-Controlled Masses

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National Rail Pay Respects to Prince Philip, Translate Entire Website into Greek

Following the death of Prince Philip, the National Rail website has been translated entirely into Greek – a nod to the late Prince of Wales’ birthplace. The move has delighted royal fanatics and would-be rail passengers alike. ‘It’s such a fantastic idea,’ said Shirley Dawes, who was attempting to book tickets to see her elderly father, something which had been impossible in recent months due … Continue reading National Rail Pay Respects to Prince Philip, Translate Entire Website into Greek

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Queen Distraught Following Death of DMX

Her Majesty The Queen is understood to be beside herself following the death of her favourite rapper DMX. ‘His music helps me forget how boring my life is,’ Lizzie said in an official statement issued from her royal residence in Windsor. ‘While you peasants carry on living your lives, I’m stuck here, bored senseless, cutting ribbons and smiling at children’s awful paintings. X’s music made … Continue reading Queen Distraught Following Death of DMX

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Ketamine Dealers in Grand National Turf War

Grand National day is understood to be the biggest day of the year for ketamine dealers, as crippled horses and fuckheads alike consume epic amounts of the banned horse tranquilliser. The desire to capitalise on this lucrative market has led to a vicious turf war unfolding between street dealers and the major pharmaceutical companies, as both fight tooth and nail to pick up business from … Continue reading Ketamine Dealers in Grand National Turf War

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